Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
