Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
