i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
