What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
