btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
