Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
