Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
