This dress was meant to end up on your floor
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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