I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
