She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
