I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
