What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
