Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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