If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Randomize