We're like a lot better than the average bears
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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