I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
