just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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