I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
We need to rekindle our bromance
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
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I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
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