chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
