Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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