4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
My cat gives me a boner
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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