I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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