Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
