I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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