My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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