4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
