Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I miss vodka workout Fridays
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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