my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
