Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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