remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?