I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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