Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
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I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
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I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day