I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
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Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
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Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.