Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
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Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
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Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy