I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
