STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.