he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize