btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
