The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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