The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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