a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
