i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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