dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
