Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Four minutes until I can fart!
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
