Where did you get a picture of my penis
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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