Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
