Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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