my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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