don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
This is the prime rib incident all over again
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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