i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
