Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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