god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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