I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Randomize
