I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
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But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
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Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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