Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
