Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
