Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Bring me that man meat
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
