grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
