Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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