i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
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She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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