Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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