Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
