What a fucking waste of an outfit
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
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