i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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