Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
