Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
