sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
