Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I understand Curling. That high.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Randomize
