I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
