Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Terrible idea I love it
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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