they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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