so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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