Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
