My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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