someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
