Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Randomize
