so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
