dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
