I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
