The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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