I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
