i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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