You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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