I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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