what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
