Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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