The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
