i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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