so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
the night ended with taco bell and tears
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
